This Just In!

Jack Tweed

I’d like to create a little intro piece here, something that sets the tone for the rest of this article. I’d like to talk about how journalists are rarely perceived as being intelligent or passionate about the material they release unto the world. I’d like to mention the notion of media manipulation and outright fabrications that we absorb on a day to day basis just because a journalist makes it so. Hell, I’d love to bang out a few quotes in relation to lazy journalists being hilariously caught out with their lack of data verification. I’d really like to write a whole bunch of shit about journalism in general actually.

Then I remembered that journalists don’t work for the Daily Star. Read the rest »

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Prick in a suit.

So you’re there, and you’re buzzing… high on fucking life, man. Yeah, ride it out. You’re the king, that chick? She’d probably fuck you. Think about it later.

No time for self doubt. Shit… pay the keeper of toilets, for what? Sure he smiled as he squirted a load in your palm, but it just cost you an extra buck to piss, and that shit was optional…. optional, mother fucker. You absolute pussy.

He’s gone now, back to yourself. Walk back to the table and imagine everyone talking about you while you were away. Good things, of course. Because you’re the fucking man.

Also, you’re the only one who gives a shit.

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Mental Splurge #1

A collection of stuff I remember to write down. You should see the shit I forget… no seriously. I apologise if some of these are weak, no I don’t.

  • If you set the clocks forward in your office by 10 minutes, it means you get to leave early every day! It also means you get fired for constantly being 10 minutes late.
  • I heard a kid on the bus bragging about how he had a blackberry for 3 days but then his dad totally made him give it to his sister even though he didn’t want to. I don’t give a shit.
  • My flat mate has a lot of anti-acne creams dotted about the place.
  • You wouldn’t not use a brush to clean your teeth, so why treat your face any different? Because.It.Is.A.Face.
  • Saw an advert for the 2011 car of the year. It’s January.
  • Do you ever just not want to shower? Shit yourself.

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A different kettle of

What about that title eh? Pretty kickin’? Totally rad? Pure smarts? Get over it man. Let’s go all Marvin Gaye on this.

I use a common web-tool by the name of google analytics, I remember how to spell analytic because I space it out in my head like this: “anal-y-tic”… it’s hilarious, I assure you. One of the great features of this tool, is that it allows site owners to see exactly what sort of search terms are bringing people to their domain. I don’t really use any of it to my advantage but ever since I wrote the Guide to I’ve noticed a lot of new visitors have found me because they’re looking for answers in relation to that dating website of utter fail.

So I’d like to lend a helping hand, and answer some of these questions. Marvin, if you will… let’s get it on.

how to get a hot chick off plenty of fish .com

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Oh London Town.

It starts as something innocent, perhaps two people walking in opposing directions happen to collide because neither of them were aware of the other, perhaps neither will apologise, perhaps one will, perhaps one will consider themselves important and demand a fight, because that’s just a logical way to solve such matters.

Perhaps they’re in a car, and cars behind them are beeping their horns because much like the car in front, they have somewhere to be, only quite obviously they need to get there quicker because their time management capabilities are lacking, despite what they may have put down on their application letter to the local super market. Read the rest »

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