Category Archives: Longs

First Day.

I’m not entirely convinced that I’ve actually slept yet. It’s not nerves, you nervous? Nope, excited? Not really. I’ve done this before, I used to do it for years, part of me is of course glad to be doing it again, but another part just wants to sit around and laugh at pictures on the internet.

Did I stir my coffee? I remember rinsing the spoon but I can’t taste the sweet embrace of sugar fused with hot liquid. I know I added sugar, I’m not that stupid. Maybe I only added one teaspoon? Another sip will confirm it, fifth time’s the charm. Fuck it, I don’t know what’s going on, finish your goddamn coco pops, you’re going to be late. Read more »

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Brace yourselves.

I’ve been meaning to jot some things down about rape culture for a while now, I made a slight nod toward it in a previous article: You’re all rapists, but now I’m starting to see it flood into the mainstream here, and worse… Facebook pages. I’ve no doubt this is due to all of the stories we’re finally acknowledging from other countries like India, there’s no topic like a hot topic I suppose.

On the outside this seems like a very touchy thing to talk about and I sure as shit have yet to find a female who doesn’t immediately get on the defensive when I mention it, but I’m beginning to worry that 2013 is the year where we all fuck ourselves into an irreversible position through baseless scare tactics and massive misinformation.

I of course have to start by stating the obvious: Rape is a problem, rape is not good, rape is bad. Read more »

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Literally nothing.

I have some amount of respect for the people who stop other people on the street in order to get money from them, I mean it’s good that they’re doing something with their lives but Jesus the fuck christ, what the actual fuck?

I refuse to believe that such methods yield any sort of efficient financial result for the street-level workers and I can only rest easy at night on the pillowed notion that it’s not about the money, but rather the awareness. “No I’m not going to bind myself into a monthly contract to save homeless animals, but if I happen to see one on my way home I promise not to kick it in the head“. Of course, this train of thought begins to veer off the tracks when I think about the ones selling various insurance schemes, lest it be on some subconscious level that I’ve yet to comprehend which is a possibility, I’m not the knower of all things. Read more »

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Oh my old neighbours, I never thought I’d miss you. With your shit dog, your regular family arguments, your damn budgie. Who the fuck even has a bird as a pet these days? I even miss your weekly visits to my front door where you stood smiling with a laptop in your arms and a “can you fix this?” look in your eyes. I miss you, my old neighbours. Because you’ve been replaced with one of the many things I don’t have the patience to tolerate,


One of them actually claims to work in “media”, who the fuck says that? I could say I work in media too, but I don’t, on account of not wanting to sound like a complete retard. Another one has a tribal tattoo on his forearm and deliberately rolls the sleeve of his shirt so you can see it better and then maybe say things like “oh my, what a lovely tattoo you have there, I am definitely impressed and feel as though we will get on just fine“. There’s another guy too, but I haven’t met him yet. I may have just heard him piss and fart at the same time though. Read more »

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Sad face.

Pretty sure there’s an article here somewhere about how much I hate shitty journalism, and a reference in other articles about newspapers being a great source of depression, but let’s not dwell on the past… it’s time to look at recent fucking events, and why they make me have a sad face.

I could quite easily do this every day, but I don’t want to read “news” every day… honestly, it destroys my soul. I’ll admit that a part of it could very well be jealousy, to think of a person or group… earning probably more money than me, being in a respectable position, and then just producing utter fucking phlegm that anyone with a two digit IQ absorbs like Bounty paper towels claim to. the other part of it is probably just anger,  to think of a person or group… earning probably more money than me, being in a respectable position, and then just producing utter fucking fart bubbles that anyone who thinks “The Sun” is worth any time of day would take as fact. Read more »

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