I’m not ashamed to admit that I will, from time to time, flick through my past sent emails. It’s amazing the sort of stuff you can find (well, I mean if you send emails often, otherwise you’re going to find something close to nothing). Some of these emails are but a few months old and I genuinely have no recollection of writing any of it:
[…] so I’ve attached it to this email… actually that’s a lie. Do you do that too? Write about documents being attached before you’ve actually attached them? Because you know you’re going to attach them anyway… and there’s no way the recipient would know the order in which you do things?
Okay now I’ve attached it… for real.
I’m still lying.
Random chit chat with a person who published the “wrong” image of mine in a student mag (not entirely her fault, but whatever):
I completely forgot about your radio show. In my defence it looked pretty amateurish.
Sorry, I neglect my personal email during the day due to the amount of inane fucking ass tits that I get. Some of them offer me a Diplom… that’s right, like a Diploma, only spelled fucking wrong.
Back on the attachments train again… weird:
And so here it is… there it is? Here it goes? How do you accurately describe what’s about to happen to an attachment? I mean I can’t say “I’m going to send it now“… because by the time you read it, you would have received it. I also can’t say “You have received it now“… because, well… right now… you haven’t. I don’t want to go to hell for lying.
Trying to entice David Thorne, this one I vaguely remember:
I saw your reply posted underneath one of my posters for my missing cat, Wiggles. I can’t thank you enough for finding him, where was he? I’m not sure why you could not just contact me from the information I provided, however I do thank you for taking the time to print out and place a poster of your own beneath mine. Can we please arrange to meet so I can have Wiggles back? I do hope he hasn’t given you too much trouble. Is he okay?
I’d like to note… shortly after the above email to David, he did release this article. Which seems… inspired. I’m a little hurt he didn’t play along, we could have had some fun. *sad face*
I’ve just realised that the “sent snippets” thing really isn’t going to work out in the long run… oh well, tried and tested.