Bunnies, Rainbows and Happy Dribble Faces.

Ain’t life just peachy? Ain’t it sweet and ain’t it grand? It sure is, I laugh daily. You probably do too. We’re easily amused eh? Distractions can come easily, excuses make us feel that little bit better and we succumb to the fact that we just have to make do with what we have. Enjoy yourselves, I insist. Though perhaps not to the detriment of others, that’s an aspect of human nature I think could do with a little tweaking, why is there always some metaphysical ratio that needs to be kept in place? A man can’t rise without another man falling. People get rich off of making other people poor, screwing over your colleagues will get you to the top and… oh my, films are wrong!

In reality, Evil prevails. Dettol protects. Fact.

Mouthy twats get the hot chicks, knob-jockeys get the expensive suits, thick cunts get that promotion you deserve and all the ass-clowns  you went to school with who put their own fingers up their bums before giving them a curious sniff are now running around with glocks, Uzi’s, tanks and whatever else the military wants to give them. Don’t get angry… not yet, these are just the basics.

To be fair, I don’t know where that military comment came from, I don’t know where half of what I write comes from but in retrospect, most of the shitty-fingers from my yesteryears are now DJ’s, I can only imagine how that careers advice meeting went:

Careers Advisor: “Well hello son, so tell me… what do you like doing?”
Poops McGee: “u aint my dad lol”

CA: “… any interests?”
McG: “i realy like music an stuff”

CA: “Interesting. Are you learning to play any instruments at all?”
PMcG: “naw but i gots this mp3 system that lets me play drum n’bass really loud, like yeah”

CA: “Alright, any other interests?”
PMcG: “wanna be graphic designer i guess, ive made flyers for a nightclub before, they said it were really good what i did”

CA: “We can work with that, have you thought about doing some form of multi-media course at college?”
PMcG: “college? naw im really good already, my brother says i can do graphics for his website that promotes local dj’s. hey hold up and listen to this track, its pumping like hot.”
CA: “Umm…”
PMcG: “would you pay to have me play this to you again?

Now this isn’t supposed to be some standard “life sucks!” rant, life does not suck, life is fucking beautiful and amazing. Don’t ever confuse life with living, they might mean the same thing, and even just be variations of the same word… but they are a life time apart. Hah! That didn’t actually make any sense but I’m hoping you don’t pick up on that.

You’ve probably got a good idea as to what your perfect life would be, here’s an example of mine:

  • Beautiful wife who isn’t crazy and/or attracted to attractive men.
  • Two kids who don’t grow up to be complete shovel tits.
  • A wicked sick house in a quiet yet convenient location.
  • An easy going job that mostly involves shit I’d be doing anyway.

Hmm, pretty sad that I included work in there. But whatever, don’t judge me. These are fundamentals… hang on, I said wife!? Going a bit fast there man, I mean we’re not even at the sending out holiday cards stage yet… I don’t know, this is all a bit much, maybe we should take a break? My list may look pretty short on the outside, but I assure you it’s deep and riddled with gloriously rich aspects. I need not explain, this is not about a specific.

A good life is not hard to acquire, you probably already have one. I could bitch and moan about the shitty things in my life til the sun went down, and don’t get me wrong… I do, at-least for some of them. But that’s merely venting… topics of conversation even, chicks do it all the time… I should definitely not use that to back myself up here.

What I’m trying to say is something you already know, ignorance is bliss. I’m intelligent enough to understand that life isn’t fair, they can’t hide it behind promising me cheaper car insurance or furniture stores that offer a seemingly perpetual sale that you simply must get now before time runs out, but worry not because the exact same deal will start as soon as the current one finishes, you’d better not miss that one though.

Being negative seems to be a lot easier, if the postman comes to your door in the morning and drops off that parcel you’ve been waiting for, you don’t grab the phone and call Royal Mail to give them a verbal blow job, no… you do nothing. They completed their job efficiently and so you shall remain silent. If that fuckin’ posty is late though, hoo boy… someone’s gonna get it, and if he doesn’t show up at all that day? Shit’s off the hook, man.

Although, as ebay has proved (and oddly disproved at the exact same time), we are in actual fact quite nice people… we’re just fucking lazy. As soon as we were offered a basic, simple, easy way to give feedback… with ratings from “good to poor” that we could click, that was when we really started to show appreciation for someone else’s effort. So it does exist, that kindness… and it elevates the instinctive “cheers” that we blurt out in person just because it seems like a word should go there. It shows our true selves, we’re beautiful, we really are.

Except that 4chan lot… they’re fucking disgusting.

And just in case “Anonymous” is reading… I was totally joking, honest. Please don’t tell people where I live.

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  1. Install askimet or something, stop getting spammed.

  2. I go on 4chan

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