Autopilot

No alarm, just awake. don’t know why, what was I doing? What day is, wait… I’m late for something. Work? Is it a weekend? It’s light out, holy shit it’s… 6:18 in the morning? Why am I awake, no time to think, back to sleep… rely on alarm. Alarm will save me, sleep is good.

8:45am

Stupid god-damn alarm! Index finger shall silence you. Ssshhhhh now.

9:20am

Again!? You know me well, phone that I set-up. Best get up, house mate will shout at me in approximately 7 minutes.

Stroll to bathroom, look at awesome self in the mirror, notice that vision is blurry… a mild side effect. Splash of water, ruffle hair, take a pee, wash hands… wonder why I never take a pee first, that would make more sense, remind self to remind self to pee first tomorrow. Thought of reminder reminds me to check my phone, put it in my pocket, take a Vit C tablet, house mate is shouting something. I answer with words, I think, leave my room, head downstairs.

House is empty, house mate was shouting “see you at work”, that makes sense. Still don’t know what I replied with. Take lunch from fridge, put it in bag, slip on some shoes, look around for something I’m not even sure exists, good to go. Tap pockets, all good, head further downstairs. Open door, go back upstairs, grab keys, minor setback.

Lock door, walk on. 9:46am, not acceptable.

Bearable temperature, cross road to pavement, reminder to look out for lady with crazy dog who likes to startle me at an hour that is unsafe for me to be startled. No dog, no lady, phase out.

Phase in, junction, can’t hear any cars, vision still fuzzy but everything except the leaves are static, including the old people stood on the corner waiting for a free bus. Always wondered if I could catch that bus, don’t know where it goes though, probably of no use, keep moving, don’t make eye contact because you look like you’re on drugs.

Realised I was wearing offensive tee shirt, maybe they didn’t read it. What should I do? Apologise? No time for that, on a tight schedule. Wonder if I could mug them? Stop it.

Hot chick on a bike usually passes me here, wonder where she’s coming from? She must live or work nearby as she dresses casually to ride. Sound of a bike, not her. Haha what? Why do I care? Like I’m just going to stop her one day and get her number? Whatever you pussy.

HOT CHICK ON BIKE! Move aside to let her through, she throws a “thanks” I guff out an “urghelbu”. Remind self to practice speaking when waking up. Cough, act like you’re not a complete retard, she’s gone. Mildly fantasise.

Remember article in the metro about chatting up females on the way to work, they advised against it. No mention of clever ploy to get them off their bikes though, not a good actor… ditch plan, car is coming, keep walking, sure is bright out, CAR IS COMING! Skip calmly across the road like I had loads of time to spare, embarrassed, check time, should be 9:50am, 9:50am. Doing well, 9:51am, Aw sun’ova.

Walk past nursery school, bitchin’ playground. Jealous of playground. Can’t look for too long, will look like a peado. Keep walking.

Short cut down grotty alley, used condoms, broken glass, fat chicks pushing prams… stench of perfume overwhelming, stench of perfume overwhelming, stench of perfume overwhelming, intentionally scuff shoe on concrete, one looks, allows room, I pass, “murhgIew” breathe. See you tomorrow, stop being fat. Think about McDonalds, don’t want one. Want coffee, coffee! Coffee is at work, going to work, all coming back to me now. McDonalds sell coffee, irrelevant, ignore.

Up steps, hate this street, don’t know why. Nothing interesting, no memories, no reminders, no visual keys, boring, keep walking. Reach main road, sharp left, bus stop, people, people everywhere. Planet organic, judge people who shop at planet organic. See a co-worker, remind self to make fun of him later, he’s severely lactose intolerant, also possesses a wheat deficiency, will be easy.

9:58am

Cross junction, right of way dickhead, beep beep to you too. Coming up to where I work, take out keys in preparation, swipe fob across thingy that detects fob swipes across it, failed, try again, success. Pull door, wish a good morning to the doorman, he looks up, “Morning Sam“, that’s fine.

10:00am

In work, sign in with initials “GD”, they’ll know it’s me. Sit at desk, turn on PC, start day. Need coffee, no speaky.

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